Welcome! This is where I am putting the main traumas that I will be talking about on my Twitter.That, and it gives me a chance to put them all down in one place. Sort of like a weird, public diary?

My sexual abuse started when I was 6 years old. It was done by my uncle, who often babysat my siblings and I whenever our parents were working.I was his favorite, probably because I was incredibly shy and timid as a child. He spoiled me with love and attention, both of which my parents didn't provide for me.He quickly became my father figure, and I enjoyed spending time with him, even if he was sexually abusing me. In fact, I learned to crave it.He was always nice to me, and I, unfortunately, developed Stockholm Syndrome from him. This makes it really hard for me to even consider reporting what he did. The overwhelming guilt and fear is too much, even to this day.The abuse continued for 12 years.-----I was molested by another man during my childhood. I was around 8 years old, and this one I can't remember much of. He was a family friend that would have sex with me whenever my family would visit his home.This lasted for only about a year or two. I didn't really like him that much, but I did what he wanted because I knew what to do and I craved the attention anyways.I do remember during a party at his house, I hid in the car all night to avoid him when he tried to make me have oral sex with him.I was all alone and no one noticed I was gone.-----The last one was a boy in his late teens or early twenties. I was also around 8 around this time.He didn't manage to have sex with me because there were hardly any private places he could take me to. He did however make out with me, but only did it once because I refused to do it again. (I hated it.)This one also goes unreported. I don't have any connection with him to stop me, but I don't remember enough to feel comfortable taking it to court.

Symptoms

Because of multiple and prolonged instances of CSA, I struggle with crippling hypersexuality and equating my value to how sexually appealing I am.My hypersexuality caused me to get into many sexual relationships with both friends and strangers. I also developed a porn addiction when I was around 10 and cannot go long without masturbating before I get overwhelmingly anxious.I also developed problematic sexual interests because of my abuse. Incest, Rape, and Abuse are the main ones I have. I consume and draw fictional porn to cope with this.

My alcoholic father was both verbally and physically abusive to me and my siblings. I was however his main scapegoat, many times because of my undiagnosed autism and health issues.He would beat and yell at me often, even if I was on my best behavior or listened to him. My father is a very demanding, unapologetic, aggressive, and angry man.Nothing I did was enough for him. He would get angry if I wasn't productive 24/7, if I didn't clean well enough, if I acted a way he didn't like, if I wasn't feminine enough, if I didn't do a task well enough, if I was wheezing because of my asthma, if I was too happy, if I wasn't happy enough, if I was sad...I hid in my room for years, only getting out for food or if my dad needed me. I often starved myself just so I wouldn't risk running into him.He stopped hitting me when he tried to beat down my door, and when I finally let him in, I screamed at him."Hit me, just do it! I don't care anymore!"

Symptoms

I have debilitating anxiety and fear of adult men. I am fearful of socialization and doing new things, due to the fact that I was punished for any mistakes I made. My room is my safespace, and it's very hard for me to go long periods outside of it.I also developed bulimia due to body image issues that both my father and mother placed onto me. I did this for about a year until I recovered and learned to love my body as is.I flinch whenever someone moves their hand too quickly, and I get scared of sudden loud sounds.

My mother was emotionally neglectful of my siblings and I. She never played or rarely comforted us as children and often left us to our own devices. We practically had to raise and entertain ourselves.She defended my father whenever he would beat or yell at us, even if it were his own mistakes. She never stopped him from abusing us, usually ignoring our cries or telling us we shouldn't have made him mad.She would also gaslight and guilt-trip us whenever we would bring us the times she did something that hurt us. More often than not, when my mother was upset with her kids or my dad, she would pull away and not talk to us. Practically, giving the cold shoulder.I do love my mom a lot. She was obviously an awful parent, but I do remember many happy times with her. My mom wasn't necessarily mean to us, I just wish she raised us.

Symptoms

I have an anxious attachment style and constantly crave love or attention.Since my mom and dad had a shitty marriage, I never knew what a good relationship was supposed to be, and ended up staying with partners simply because they were nice enough to love me.

This will include both romantic and platonic relationships.From what I remember, I had about 12 or 13 partners before my current one. (@PARAB0LAS)
All lasted for very short times, usually before a year. My second longest (the first being my current one) was an on-and-off relationship with a guy that cheated on me. I forgave him, as I did with the others who cheated on me before, but obviously, it didn't last. He made me beg for the bare minimum.-----I had a few best friends in my life, and all except one ended up being toxic. BSF1 is my longest-lasting friendship, and I appreciate her very much.-----BSF2 was the one I ended up dating, but she cheated on me for free video games. I found out when I came over to her house for Valentine's Day, and she had left her phone behind when she went to the bathroom. (I was suspicious for a few weeks when she would be very adamant about hiding her screen when I was around.)-----BSF3 was one I had for 3-4 years. She was like a sister to me, and we did everything together. I loved her very much and did whatever I could to be there for her.When she was at risk of eviction by the landlord, my family and I welcomed her into our home rent-free, since she was practically part of the family.This changed everything.She often neglected her pets and left my family to take care of them, she would disrespect a lot of my mom's simple rules (since it was her house), and our relationship became very strained when I would try to gently remind her to clean after her pets. (I stopped eventually and just cleaned myself.)The final straw was when she took my mom's car to visit her boyfriend, and got it towed.My mom (understandably) gave her a month to move out, but she decided to leave that night.She tried to leave her animals behind, but when I tried to tell her we can't afford to keep them, she replied and I quote:
"Sell them, release them into the wild, feed them to your cat, kill them, I don't care."Frankly, I had to walk out and cry.After she moved out, my family went out of state for Thanksgiving.
When we came back, our house was robbed.All of our gaming consoles, jewelry, the money we were saving for Christmas, and devices that had priceless old family photos, were gone.After calling 911, an investigation took place and my best friend was caught on camera selling our gaming console in GameStop.Unfortunately, it wasn't the end.The police also notified us that they found a Craigslist post about me.
It had my face, address, and phone number. The poster was pretending to be me, and said really horrible stuff. Saying that I have sex with my siblings and animals, and that I was accepting sex from anyone.The police told me that they traced it to her.I eventually saw her posting the ad on her Facebook and Instagram, sharing it with all her friends. I saw everyone insulting my body, calling me a slut, and saying I had diseases. This was hard to go through.The case lasted for a whole year, since it happened when Covid started. She wasn't sent to jail due to this being her first offense, but she was sent on parole and required to pay us for what she stole.I do have a restraining order, but we never got our stuff back. We never received all of our Christmas money back. I was traumatized by the one person I trusted the most.

Symptoms

I have serious trust issues and for a long time, I never wanted a friend again. I refused to get close to anyone and wasn't interested in talking to people.My current partner was actually the stranger that helped me out of that hole.

Minor Traumas / Symptoms

Undiagnosed Autism/ADHD until I was 22For many years I genuinely thought I was stupid. I didn't know why socializing was hard for me, why it was hard to understand people, why I needed specific instructions, why I took stuff literally, or why I was obsessed with certain media... My partner was actually the one who told me I might have the disorders!-----
Daily and Constant NightmaresEver since I was a child, I would have nightmares every single night, even to this day. Most involve school, driving, my dad, being attacked violently, or being raped. This made me develop insomnia, which I used NyQuil to help with. I got addicted and had to stop, however.
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Fear of Cars, Roads, and DrivingAround 10 years old, I was in a huge car accident. I remember it was raining, my siblings and I were on the grass crying, and I saw my mom being taken away in an ambulance. I get severe anxiety behind the wheel, being around an active car, or crossing the road.
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Severe Identity IssuesSince I wasn't diagnosed with AuDHD until I was 22, paired with the fact that my dad most literally beat the natural personality out of me, I was left with an unstable Identity. I would often take on a fake persona, pretending to be someone everyone likes.In a sense, I still do this. I have found that "Kinning" a character I relate to the most helped me develop an "anchor" for my personality. Once or twice a year, I go through an "identity spiral" and end up completely changing who I am, abandoning my friends, and disappearing from an entire community.It has happened before, but my partner helps me stay my true self and avoid throwing away my whole identity.
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Imposter SyndromeSince my father constantly criticized everything about me and taught me that I was a lazy, stupid, annoying burden, I often don't feel like I deserve all the love and attention I get. Why would I?
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Chronic DepressionI have to take 80 mg of Prozac every day for the rest of my life to function. I went to therapy for many years, but I still have a long journey of recovery to go.
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Generalized AnxietyBoy howdy, It's very hard for me to get out of my comfort zone in fear of messing up. It staggers my progress significantly, to the point I don't get out of my room for weeks. I'm still working on this!
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C-PTSD"C-PTSD is caused by ongoing trauma which lasts for months or years, while PTSD may be caused by a single traumatic event. The symptoms of C-PTSD are also more complex and may take longer to treat."This causes most of my problems. About every 3-4 months, I would get nonstop PTSD flashbacks about my uncle and what he did to me for 12 years. These times are the hardest for me, but I learned to live with them.